Here is one very emotional blog again.
One of the biggest clichées is that life always throws you a curveball when you think it’s getting better. Memories are my curveballs. Everytime I think my life will get better. That I’ve faced the demons of my past. There is a song, there is a word, there is a smell, there is life.
A song brings back memories of lost friends. Makes me think of the people who aren’t there anymore because fate decided not to. There is a word that makes me remeber the though road that’s yet ahead. There is a smell that makes me remember what I’ve lost or what I’m about to loose.
And than my strong minde. My walls crumble. And I feel so lost again. When the only pillars that keep you standing straight are shaking. Then my heart falls.
A setback.. I think that’s what it’s called. Me that stands in the way of my own happiness and once again let’s other people decide if or how I should be happy. Me that is depending on other ones instead on relying on me. I hate the fact I have to give up some of my own independence too be reach where I want too be. For once in my life I want too be my own master of my own fate. Not depending on my parents, partner, friends. Just me as a strong woman…
Stones in my stomach and knives in my heart.