It feels like ages since I’ve tried to kill myself. But looking at the calender I can see it’s only 1,5 month ago. I’ve been keeping myself busy going out, reading , enjoying life.
I come from a place where everything was standing still arround me. No job, no advancement in my education, an unhealthy relationship. And emotionally I wasn’t evolving. Nope I was standing still. And I hate that.
In my own opinion , people need to evolve and grow in their personal strenght,wisdom and in the understanding of oneself to be truely happy. Because learning is a lifelong procces. Some people evolve slowly others much more rappid. Personal growth is what’s needed not only for oneself but for the good of society and for the people around you.
So the last three weeks I’ve been exploring myself. Who is Kimmy ? Why does she behave the way she does? Why does she have the obnoxious habbit of saying sorry for fucking everything or feeling guilty for being arround? And I’ve figured it out.
Not myself because no one can truely know oneself to the full, it’s always biased. But I know why I do some things that get me into trouble. Why I , who people said has a strong mindset, saw no other way out but to kill myself.
I’ve made peace with myself. Knowing the errors I’ve made, taking responsibility for them. My errors are part of me and I should just accept that without shoving the blame on someone else. I feel empowered, I feel like a stronger woman again. Fully knowing the road ahead is long and I’m still not good, I’m okay.
My heart is been broken, my dreams are shattered, but I’m doing okay. I’m more than my dreams and my relationship doesn’t define me.
So after a long period of standing still in the sands of time, I,ve now picked up myself, standing within the ocean of life.. ready to let it carry me wherever it sees fit.