Kimmy's road

Kimmy's road

My personal journey from being human to the being the best human I can be...

The shared loneliness.

Hey you, I, for myself, hate it to be totally on my own for a long period of time. It makes me feel anxious and it seems to me like time and space are standing still and that in itself is an impossiblity that my mind can’t cope with. When I’m alone I can’t rely on my own vault in my mind because then is when my fears return and I start breaking down the walls of my vault that keep me standing tall. These walls have been there for a while and they stand there gazing and tall , not to keep de bad stuff locked away but to keep the good and hurtful stuff out. I’m very open when I meet someone and do tend to overshare my little bucket of missery. People tend to care but I do this so that people know , that when they talk about their feelings I know how it feels. And I know it because I feel their pain as much as it where my own. Not because of a bad memorie but because I care to much. I want to be everybodies friend, everyones lover and everyones “rock in rough water”, because I don’t want to feel their pain and I want to help that person feel better , because in doing that, I feel a better person myself. Meeting people and talking to people , being very open about myself, creates the illusion that they care. That I am … Read more

Little shots of fright…

Hello you! Today was heavy for me… Today started with a smile , a yawn, a little sunshine on my skin…But underneath I felt like I was slowely dying all over again. I don’t know if you ever have experienced this, but I have multiple times. You’re just relaxing in the sun, but underneath your skin a thousand little bugs start to move. You feel the beating of your heart everywhere.You start to feel nervous but can’t pinpoint the reason and are feeling a little bit anxious… All of this causes you to gain more adrenaline and makes you jumpy.   Well this wasn’t my first time , or will it be my last, but now I know what it is. Fear, underlying fear. Wich creates stress and adrenaline. It’s this fear that has made me in part who I am , but also destroyed who I could have been. Sometimes it made me fight harder but a lot of time it made me make choices just to loose this constant compagnion. It froze me or stung so hard I couldn’t bear it. My fear originates from the loneliness I experienced in high school, from the losses I’ve encountered and because I don’t believe in myself anymore. I think everybody knows this feeling. And its as much part of me as it is of you. But my fear tends to hide in small pieces and arise at the weirdest moments. But today I realised it was fear… It wasn’t the fear … Read more